i should go to a nude beach and wear just a condom, then ill have tan lines on my dick
i found her turbo button.....if you know what i mean.
Whoever decided putting Tom Seizmore and Heidi Fleiss together in rehab should win some kind of award.
I'm pretty sure I just overheard my boss call his sperm precious metal...
Its official. Iv'e been kicked out of a bar in every state. I would like to take my job and travel time for allowing this to happen.
You got cut off after you tried to make the dog funnel moscato.
Seriously, I'm ready to settle for ugly and unemployed as long as he has decent hygene and likes to go down.
after last halloween when i met that 26yr old guy from russia who was hot until we madeout and he became obsessed with touching my forehead after the ecstasy he did and then tried to sell me pills from an m&m mini container, i think im staying away from parties downtown
never underestimate the power of walking into a bar alone in uv cat makeup.. took home a seven foot man
REALLY should have cleaned under my bed before I had my parents come help me pack...things my parents just found: several condoms and a bottle of lube. My mom when she found a condom: "ooo ribbed. Laura's a lucky girl"
So last night I kicked a beer can off of a frat guys head and it nailed one of my sisters in the face. Think i'll be brought up on standards?
I think I'm too tall to 69 successfully.
I think I might cry.
I started having a bad trip because I closed my eyes and got lost in a forest of patterns and I knew my mom would be upset.
Told the cab driver to take me to narnia last night. Turns out there's a bar called narnia on the south side of town. We are in business
Omg last night I was giving shots out like I was the Willy Wonka of the alcohol world.
Randomize
