MRIs the morning after St. Patty's Day was a poor choice.
I want to frame my negative pregnancy test.
he aimed his bare ass at the sparkler, farted, and it really did work...i love 4th of july anal fire works
I was really disturbed by what initially appeared to be a dismembered head sitting beside you. Then I realized you were laying on her body.
Imagine that my comprehension level is that of a 7 year old and explain your plan again
You fucked everything up-can't pass a cleared kitchen table without getting hard
It took him 5 seconds to cum and then he wanted to hold my hand all night
Dude, we apparently put a washing machine drum in that back of your truck with the full intention of making a bonfire in it.
Also, nothing screams "don't talk to me because I'm unstable" like walking around eating cookie dough out of the package.
I'm about to get my nails done. Would the polish name "meet me at the altar" be too straight forward for a first date?
I should not be allowed to reproduce. The world doesn't need my sarcastic asshole demon spawn in child form
When you sleep in the bathroom, you're no longer a guest.
I fucked that choir dude last night. he had the most strangely musical moans. it was like a Sound Of Music porno.
saying im screwed is like saying the titanic took on a little water.
My alcoholism is old enough to drink.
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