Listen, I'm 30. If it doesnt involve a super soaker and some chicken wings, you can count me out.
i'm in workout clothes. this is progress.
Improvement. She went from pretending she was the soccer ball in the world cup games and it hurt when they kicked her to passed out on the floor.
no i do not regret standing at the wendys drive thu handing the employees mardi gra beads to get free chicken nuggets
4 am. She strained the mac and cheese onto her legs. She has no skin.
Was just told that I was slipped 2 hits of acid in my in flight drink before takeoff. 8 hours to Germany wish me luck
We're gona eat taco bell and then take exlax and see who can hold it in the longest. Loser has to pay for drinks all weekend. You in?
I am making it a rule that only people I am comfortable around enough to not have to put a bra on are allowed for Sunday funday. I think that's a good rule for someone who started drinking alone at noon while everyone else here sipped their coffee.
Dear god. Please. Please do NOT deprive yourself of dick for 90 days. Blood will spill. Wolverines will howl. I can't handle that kind of terror.
I wouldn't say I LOVE Pacman. I mean, sure, I'd battle against you in an epic Pacman struggle for blow jobs and glory. But I mean, who wouldn't?
While randomly hooking up with my neighbor last night he says "it's okay we're neighbors".
Feels like I ran a marathon last night. A tequila marathon.
He used pronouns for his penis while sexting. I don't know what I did to deserve this.
On a scale of 1-10, how inappropriate is it to sneak into someone's box of sex toys and put googly eyes on their vibrator?
Woke up on a lawn chair hugging a bottle of vodka. Hows your morning so far?
Randomize
