Dude, just got a bummer.
What??
A blow job from a homeless chick.
South Carolina's governor once cited "moral legitimacy" when he was a congressman voting for President Bill Clinton's impeachment. Karma is a bitch.
Just took my morning after pill in the library
whispering "taste the rainbow" well having sex isn't my biggest turn on.
Clearly I made an impression.
Or at least your vagina did.
every time I see Anne Hathaway all I can think is "my cousin fucked a guy who fucked her" and it makes me proud.... so I want to say thank you for being that cousin.
the world took limewire and four lokos away from me in one week....hello depression
Sorry I didn't pick up for your booty call. I usually am asleep at 4:00 on Thursdays. Like a normal person.
Worst case scenario: I have VD and will die. That's the worst that could happen. As long as I'm around long enough to see the winner of bachelor pad, I'm cool
im eating mac and cheese with a makeup brush. there is wayyyyy too much wrong with this night.
I woke up this morning and the lid to the back of my toilet was missing. Dahfaq do I do with this shit?
IF WE WERE REALLY BEST FRIENDS FOREVER YOU GUYS WOULD AGREE TO A WATCHING A PORNO PARTY
Fastest way to get judgmental looks on a Sunday morning: wear sunglasses inside carrying a case of beer and thin mints at the grocery store. May or may not have ran into the glass door.
Gotta love Minnesota
Found an elderly homeless guy with a Gandalf beard passed out on my porch. I put a Santa hat over his erect dick cause he was naked.
You smell like a steam boat captain.
Whatever your on right now, I want.
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