The way you explained my vagina was exactly the way I would of described my breakfast burrito.
Just saw actual Chinese people doing a Chinese firedrill. Good day.
I was more traumatized by the table collapsing while i was going down on you.
he somehow instantly knew i was from vermont.
it probably had something to do with chasing your soco with maply syrup.
ok... i just had to be reminded that people in animal costumes were feeding me shots at the bar.
So on how many levels of wrong is it that I'm reconsidering my divorce simply because I don't want to go through getting used to shitting around someone again.
There is no amount of alcohol that can make me forget I had a Jimmy Kimmel sex dream
Matt says that there are strip club auditions in our living room and he'd like you to audition.
Idk. It's not appealing to me. Like don't get me wrong, I love ur dick A LOT but I don't want to stare at it on an iPhone screen
At least be KIND OF sobering up before you text me, I've told you before I don't speak vodka unless I've been drinking it with you.
PS WHY wasn't I drinking it with you? Dick.
just had a woman ask me to donate my eggs so that her baby could look like me. don't know whether to get a restraining order or be flattered. thoughts?
If I had any lingering questions about my sexuality, the strip club tonight verified I'm 100% gay
Does the girl you just banged want anything from Taco Bell?
Good thing he's hot and my vagina likes him or I'd be at Dennys right now.
I did not marry a roomba.
Randomize
