we're microwaving frozen margaritas its not the same without u
They should make a Rosetta Stone that allows men to understand what the fuck women are actually trying to say.
I want to hold her baby but I'm afraid I'll give it a contact buzz
Dont forget the glove box taco bell stash i saved for drunk us.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Putting all my energy Into finding a polite way to ask my mailman to fuck me in his car.
I did not get laid last night bc my condoms were too small. I'm allowed to be dreary
Its alot like that time you got motorboated by the carni at the rodeo.
omg sorry but i tried to stop you when you were at your drunk limit but i took my eyes off you for like 2 seconds and you suddenly appeared with hard liquor in both hands for yourself and downed them and it was downhill from there
Why didn't you ever bring me to the pope as a baby so he could kiss me.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It has now been 10 days since we last saw Sebastians penis
My diet fell off the wagon when I began texting the pizza delivery guy my location on frat row.
Got my client divorced finally. He was even awarded the cat ashes. Yep I went to law school for this.
Left my house last night with a girlfriend, $200 in my wallet, and 10 finger nails. Came home with no girlfriend, an empty wallet, and 9 1/2 finger nails.
Yea, I had a bad night too aha
Nows a good time to tell him. Just be like "yeah, I used to bang her too and it didn't work out for us either". He'll understand.
i'm currently watching a guy eat a bunch of cacti and i have lost all faith in humanity
**cactuseses
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