So I hogged the stall at Denny's for so long that a little kid shit his pants and ran crying to his mother. Am I a terrible person for this being the proudest moment of my life?
You do realize the lyrics aren't "hold me close TONY DANZA" right?
You can't be serious.
maybe it wasnt such a good idea to pregame our lease signing...
Had sex to a Lionel Richie song. I have a feeling I was conceived to it. Finally reached full circle.
I've really got to stop smuggling half full bottles of beer out of bars in my purse.
and she was grinding on the wall, purring at guys she liked at the pregame...
And i didn't ask you to do that, You showed your penis at your own free will.
I don't have any swimsuits that don't show off the weird handprint bruises on my hips. Do you have a onepiece I can borrow?
They better compete for your attention. Dual to the fuck
We're at the hospital. She got a head rush and fell and now blood everywhere. Smoke the rest, just save her a bowl
Just had to buy plan b w/ my robotic baby from family living.. Awkward.
So I come back home and a huge flock of enormous vultures are on my roof
They're waiting for you to die
No but I was fuckin done when I realized my acrylic nail caught fire when I was hitting the bong.
hahahaha what do we need the kangaroos for? please tell me we release them instead of doves
i got kicked out of the casino for drunken disorderly conduct because i kept stumbling into old people and one of them told on me. as the boucer was taking down my information so i could no re-enter i ripped my id out of his hands while yelling fuck you.
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