I just paid $5 for a shot of el toro and the bartender wasn't even hot. Rock bottom.
I would explain the ketchup stains in the bed to him but saying I just got my period is so much less embarrassing...
This freshman just ran out of her seat in a 200 person lecture, opened the emergency door and vommed everywhere. Then quietly went back to her seat. $2 Pitchers hit someone hard last night.
beware of the wheat thins...there might be a knife in it
Some guy just yelled at me from his car "CLIIIIIIIIIITT"... I feel like this has something to do with last night....
I wonder if they have a "21st birthday" section in the hospital..
Dude..this is the third year in a row me and him have fucked at a super bowl party..does that count as a tradition?
Super awkward that I just now realized I added no verb to the first statement about super hero porn. We were watching it, not making it. Clarity.
Can I please come dance in my bra to destiny's child with you? I'll bring the wine and the glitter
I am pretty sure I just put SoCo in the bird feeder
she hacked my macbook and downloaded an illegal version of the original pokemon red, completely nude in my computer chair. there were several levels of hornyness existing all at once
We were so sore from having sex that we decided to fix it with more sex. It's the hair of the dog for sex hangover.
I woke up the whole house screaming I need my shorts they found me in the kitchen with a bag of strawberries naked
You would be successful and sober without me. you can't turn your bakon me now
Just letting you know that while you peed your pants in that guys jeep, The orgasm I had made my hair fall out... Good morning.
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