How many nights a week you wake up with sticky boxers cause you were dreaming of Clay Aiken? Your wife mad?
I'm at breakfast still drunk holding a blow up parrot
is sleeping with your Political Science professor Politically incorrect?
Was he helping you 'cram' for your final, or just giving an oral exam?
I've been congratulating people on facebook about their forthcoming pregnancies. I can't wait to see how this plays out
tiger just fucked it up for all of us...she grabbed my phone this morning and started asking questions.
Someone just proposed in Subway. Trying not to laugh.
Why did I wake up holding food tongs?
To celebrate your birthday last night, I got drunk and sang drift away in buffalo wild wings. Happy birthday. The entire bar sang the chorus with me. It was magical.
Hes wearing a shirt that says warning shitshow and i cant help but think his attorney made him wear it so ppl know the dangers.
Whatever happend to that lawsuit where he got sued for shittig in that fish tank
I'm playing a lilo and stitch drinking game
Aloha alcoholism.
Believe me honey Imma fuck the discount out of at least one plastic surgeon in my life
I did wake up to a random meat and cheese plate next to my bed, that was a thrill.
Honestly my life is shambles over a married man who looked like a fuckin NERD ON HIS WEDDING DAY
Can't we just go back to fucking and having your boyfriend think you're completely straight?
Why were there just 3 inflatable bounce houses delivered to my house?
oh shit.
Randomize
