I've had a Margarita with salt, but I have to say I was impressed by the Stoli and Sprite rimmed with adderall
Drinking in an igloo changes everything.
I bought canned wine on a clearance aisle at the liquor store... I feel like I'm living in an episode of It's Always Sunny.
I might scale it back and go as an investment banker. Which is the exact same costume as James Bond on LSD. I just introduce myself differently.
Yeah, I wouldn't mind getting fingered in the corner of a dive bar again.
she chugged a bowl of salsa and then gave my ferret weight loss tips. she's like my fucking spirit animal now
There is nothing more embarrassing than your birth control alarm going off while in a meeting with your boss and they tell you to take it.
I found a body half wedged into my bedroom wall this morning. How do I explain THIS to the carpenters?
First roommate to find me and dance with me will live. Battle Royale.
You left me alone with nothing but donuts and my thoughts.
Did you clean his pubes up off the table yet?
Life update - currently drunk off my ass in the yoga room of SFO at 5:30 in the morning.
sexting while watching Peter Pan the Musical! something just doesn't seem right here
I'M TRYING. TO WATCH. PORN. PLS HAVE UR IMPORTANT DISCUSSIONS ELSEWHERE FUCKERS
I fought off a bull with my bare hands while he went off to have sex with her against a wall. I’m more upset about the fact that no one is acknowledging what I did.
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