I have demons in me.
I got spanked with a cardboard tube. Apparently he used to be a percussionist. Who favored marching band tunes. It was weird.
using blue streamers we found on the bathroom floor was probably not the best substitute for toilet paper.
you cant ever make fun of my bong's stick on moustache again. its the reason the cop let me keep it and my weed.
Home safe. Took me everything not to stop and pick up some random cat that looked like an ocelot tho.
SHUN THE NONBELIEVERS. THUS SAYS THE NIPPLE LORD
Youre having a picnic
Yeah but all we have is vodka, so it's getting a bit out of hand.
I'm only wearing socks and eating tuna, don't do this to me right now.
I'm just the girl with the breathalyzer keychain, and I embrace that.
Hungover. No words. Just memes.
I have to make calls today at work. So I'm gonna call your phone and leave some random messages. Just delete them.
Please don't fuck the professor. We both know that won't end well.
Bruh why you gotta judge
You're awake at 3:30 in the morning RSVPing to a musical, I'm well within my means
Because of you I can never eat chicken nuggets without thinking of you fucking him. I hope youre happy. I really do.
I had a threesome with my hot neighbor and his GF and by threesome I mean I heard them getting it on in their apartment and I was in my apartment with a vibrator
and I may have moaned his name loud enough that they heard me because now he won’t make eye contact
Randomize
