Brandon just fucked that chick! I tried to warn him but T9 said she had "puppy roses" instead of "pussy sores"
Omg I'm so stupid. All the peoples fb status that said "spain" I thought they were all going to spain.......
In the middle of pouring my wine you asked me if I could hear your vibrator from my room.
Oh trust me, i am. It's like magic, but instead of rabbits and doves its orgasms- He just keeps pulling them out of nowhere.
True enough. Do you ever think that these girls grandparents ghosts are watching you masterbate to their granddaughters and look at you in Shame?
Breakfast of champions
Is that a dick crepe?
It is indeed
We are no longer allowed to have pre 4th party week. I woke up with a donut stuck to my face and 'MILF' written in black marker on my stomach.
Mother of the Year
I got sucker punched while I was making out with some girl...I think my molar might have flown into her mouth
I'd tell u there's strippers to make you get here faster, but that would be a blatant lie... There's strippers here.
If I shaved my pubic hair into a heart for valentine's day how much would you judge me?
Egg rolls and cum. Not my worst snack.
He sent me a meme at 3am. Usually guys just send me booty calls that late. I think I'm in love
Sexting just isn't as much fun once you learn how bad he is in bed...
she peed her pants, took them off, the put them back on. but she only put her legs in one hole.
Its really hard to take a shit when the dog wont stop trying to crawl into your lap
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