I was to big spoon the shit out of you right now
I'm so hungover and dru,k
he's 24. he finally texted me instead of using facebook chat. baby steps.
She can't keep using her latex allergy as an excuse to go bareback with everyone.
You cheat on me once, shame on me. You cheat on me with a white girl, it's fucking over
We ran out of toilet paper the last week, so we just took showers to pee
If I'm gonna go to jail I'm gonna be wearing a poncho
We're the only two others left at work. My internal monologue is going: TAKE ME. TAKE ME NOWW. ON THE COUNTER. IN FRONT OF THE MANAGER. JUST TAKE MEEE
She's trying to feed the TV fried rice and screaming "FRIED RICE AND TEARS". Please bring me more booze.
I had to assert my dominance as Alpha Drunk.
We weren't even through customs yet, and we got offered weed. You would love Jamaica.
his brother walked in while we were fucking on the couch, told me i had "lovely jugs" and offered to make both of us a drink
Guy pissing in the corner in downtown Boston as his girlfriend is covering him up, yelling "relationship goals"
"Nobody needs to know that I have a vibrating butt plug and nobody needs to know that I'm probably gonna start wearing it at work"
Thanks for the reference. If your boss hires me, I'll buy you a drink.
If my boss hires you, I'm going to need it.
I seriously thought Satan had his hand up my asshole and was pulling out my soul. Never. Again.
Randomize
