come home now. i got a twizzler tangled in my hair again
i'm moving back early just in case the freshmen need a tour of the school
oh right the one that ends on your bed
I might be a bit. I accidently started hot boxing the bathroom. I'm just gonna go with it.
Pitchers of shots should be outlawed. I've puked more than i've breathed in the past half hour.
Just shook hands with the bud light truck driver, thanked him for his service to our country
Currently in the bathroom stall of a gay bar in new haven giving myself an anti throw up pep talk
I just creeped on air mattress guy's facebook and discovered his ex is the trifecta of evil: tiny, cute, and blonde.
On a side note the mornings you do so much Xanax that you wake up totally at one with the universe and feel invincible are great
If I was gonna be at your campus for halloween weekend, I'd dress up as the masked horny fairy and give out condoms. I'm so thoughtful.
OMG. Hung over at my grandparents house. Threw up on 3 T-stops, countless snowbanks, and the grandparents driveway. Was proposed to last night. Bruised from head to toe from falling down 3 flights of stairs. Debating my intelligence because it seems that "happy new years" is too hard for me to spell. How were your new years festivities?
When the cab driver starts laughing its a good indication of the standard of girls you are bringing home
He was talking up his golf swing like other guys talk up their dick. Is this adult dating or just another flavour of douchery?
I CLEANED MY BATHROOM FOR YOU!! betrayal
She's so nice... She deserves all the dicks.
I've had pants off for 3 hours now. America.
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