32 messages asking me to suck his dick. And there for a minute i thought i was desperate. ha!
Hahahaha
make that 40.
i love that we sang a whole new world together while you carried me through campus
whoever says they hate hangovers just doesnt know how to embrace them. i'm eating a mashed potato sandwich and watching grind.
I woke up to a topless girl handing me a blunt. Candidate for greatest wake-up ever?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Tis a story best told in person, it involves a golf course, police and vomit
It usually does with you
Ok, so for future reference, in Rome, "piano bar" means "brothel".
I cant leave dude. theres a horse with a top hat on
I'm skyping with my parents and reading Cosmo articles on giving great head. I'm on a roller coaster that only goes up, baby.
Have your arms or hands ever gone numb after drinking too much?
Wtf did you do last night?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Everybodys gonna want to make out w me dressed as big bird
Big bird is like some childhood daddy fantasy come true for carnival
He's a real gentleman. At least he tried to flush my closet's handle after he pissed in it.
And if you haven't kicked a pigeon you haven't started your morning right
We were in the uber and you were crying because you wanted to be an Olympic gymnast. The driver tried to console you and you just cried harder
You went home with a guy at 11... than returned to the bar at 1
I have to have boobs, you have the charm and wholesomeness that gets boyfriends... And i have boobs
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