my iphone just auto-corrected drink to drnknghhhg...
Some guy just watched me feed 30 dimes and 3 quarters for bread and cheese at the self checkout at walmart. I no longer comprehend shame...
I'm glad you trust me to be your sex stat keeper.
i knew you were okay when you wanted to eat in the ambulance
I totally just friend requested the girl I met in jail last night so that I could give her back the sunglasses she lent me upon our release. See, I'm not a total delinquent.
She gets me. First thing she said this morning "I'll buy breakfast if you can tell me my name."
my head hurts. i need an adult
and not like a cool parent adult. like a full fledged party pooper grandparent adult
You can't buy drugs with a ziplock bag full of quarters, chuck-e-cheese coins, and a starbucks giftcard.
watch me
Let's not refer to him as Dustin. That makes him seek like a real person, not just a dick I would like to experience.
Just saw a tranny in a skimpy captain america costume walking around campus. Going to follow her. You gotta see this
He started to lick a stick of butter and was calling it Jennifer.
I just saw an ad for "fair trade quinoa vodka". Fuck this world and everyone in it.
Considering we almost incited a riot on behalf of LGBT rights I have to say that was the best time for our moral compass to turn south.
I woke up beside him and almost cried. Then I realized you were on the other side so I knew I hadn't made any bad decisions.
You spilled your drink, and we laughed so hard my boobs popped out of my shirt.
Randomize
