Revelation of the day. Bulimia is dumb. Anorexia is easier.
You suck.
So I just introduced myself to this guy in front of me and now he's saving my pictures on facebook to his phone..
The plan is to make enough mistakes this weekend to hold me over until spring break
If I don't come back from Italy with aids I did somethign wrong
She wasn't to happy when she went to put her shirt on and it was covered in cum I just looked at her and said collateral damage....
When he goes down on me, he stares me in the eyes like a shark mocking it's prey as it devours it. Plus, his beard smells like dirty gym socks. This has got to end.
And you were like "stop making pop tarts, lil bowow" as you grabbed the pop tarts from your ex and consumed them. Teach me your ways.
He wrote me poetry. 12 hours after getting my number
I dressed up as a breathalyzer test for Halloween; never had so many straight dudes blow me before!
I used my tears to chase my tequila. You could say I rallied.
Oh and I'm kind of in the library.
Waiting for the foreign guy who keeps staring to make his creepy move.
No apologies necessary. Just give me sex and Pop Tarts, and we'll call it even.
My disney ticket is covered in lube, do you think they will accept it?
I think I was just recruited to join a religious lesbian cult by these 3 really pretty girls and I'm tempted to join
I just walked in on Joel doing a buck naked tripod headstand in front of the mirror so he could see the bug bite on his balls
Randomize
