Dude ... paraplegic porn is really creative..
Public safety found my id!
And i can't find my bra so i'm assuming they found my bra with my id which would explain the disapproving tone the lady on the phone had.
I knew something was wrong when santa got arrested
my brother is about to go smoke a joint outside... he's preparing his munchies on the counter beforehand. I admire his responsibility.
He's the equivalent of a body pillow and a dildo. But still funny. We have good pillow talk.
Police were closing down the bar due to gunfight and I was crying because they wouldn't let me finish putting temporary shamrock tats on my boobs
It's only been a week and i've already broken my no summer randoms rule twice.
At some point last night Lemondrops turned into me doing shots of vodka and eating sugar packets at the bar.
I saw a crackhead in a ballerina outfit riding a bike while waving her hands and one leg in the air. Never seen such talent in my life
this year we will have multiple halloween identities. lesbian couple meets brian and stewie
i know i shouldn't tell you this since i want you to really like me but i just spent the last 4 hours sleeping on the toilet.
this st patricks day sucks
ill send jameson via bank tube 150+ miles
Literally the only clue I have to try and figure out my blackout adventures is a draft on twitter that just says "Mummies alive!"
i wish i could say that was the first 40 year old woman from the circus I nailed
Everything is scary i hate being an adult i hate responsibility tell me a dick joke
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