you're like the ceasar milan of boners... you understand them on a different level.
my ass hurt today after the party last night. I wnt to the doctors and they found a coin in a ziplock bag with a note from you. WHAT THE FUCK DID U DO TO ME???
I called her a whore. 15 minutes later she gave me head at arby's while i was eating a roast beef. best afternoon ever
Peter invited his little brother to smoke with us and he is trying so hard to pretend he's done it before. When he saw the weed he was like "hell yeah!" and everyone got completely silent and just looked at him
we all know badassery is carried on the XX chromosome
Legitimately semi-blackout across the table from the governor off a chardonnay i can't even pronounce.
There's nothing I can say to make me pepper spraying you any better
From the prices on this menu it looks like I have no choice. I have to blow him.
So I know we're not talking about this anymore buuuuuut I left heel marks on the wall.
He had bigger boobs than me last night and we both weren't wearing a bra so it was a fair judgement
Just woke up from a weed coma and found a stem in my bra. Rainy day success.
I WANT PIZZA BUT I ALSO WANT SELF ESTEEM
BUT LIKE WHO AM I TO EVER CARE ABOUT SELF ESTEEM
Woke up on my sisters couch, and it was like the start of a Terminator movie,my brother in law was passed out on the floor naked in the fetal position. We now call him Arnold. It was an epic night.
The bar tender had his entire hand down your asscrack.
I forgot about that. I was in MULTIPLE dimensions.
So I decided to sleep with him for the first time in months so I can convince him it's his kid instead of the other guy
Randomize
