I wanna do crazy things to you in a tent
fuckk wrong person
.. who was that for? a girlscout?
I have so many mobile devices now, I only use my laptop for porn.
Instead of having sex, we spent the entire night making pillow forts and have sword fights. I think I'm in love
My mother's day gift to my mother is to promise never to tell her 95% of the stories I've accumulated in my life.
complete strangers are now referring to me as 'the bourbon guy.' i can live with this.
As a matter of fact you told me i fulfilled your "woodshop teacher fantasy"
Living room yoga. I'm too hungover to deal with anyone else's chi today.
Did you shave a certain someone in his sleep last night?
tell me why they applauded then the bartender locked himself in the bathroom when i walked into the bar today ????
The number of tpain songs that actually relate to my life right now is embarrassing.
fuck Derek. I choose weed. weed isn't angry and would never ask me to be someone I'm not.
Apparently "Do you want me to ruin your day now or later?" is not a good way to tell someone you're pregnant and it's theirs.
Got really high to see my fist college experience unfold. Too high to find my classroom but I found the McDonald's down the street
I didn't want to fight, I just wanted to tell you to fuckoff.
I am mentally ready for anal.
Randomize
