I molested 6 butterflies tonight
just broke no shave november. hello backed up drain december.
keep it on the DL tho cause i dont want it getting out and it coming off like i kidnapped her or something
He kept calling my vagina a magic clam, and it was speaking to him, telling him to feed it his penis. I played along.
I'm not throwing down for dinner because I plan to have so much tequila I puke it up anyways. How much is a cab home?
the parade is in 5 days. put your big boy pants on and come to beer training. time to build your tolerance. i can't have you passing out in a bush with a cape on again this year.
Yeah, this dress is irreparably whorey. I've resigned myself to being a family scandal.
And my only real exposure to Russian culture is you and Internet porn.
Just googled "penis wearing a hat" i think it's safe to say nobody found my ex's lost phone...
drinking vodka, listening 2 smh at 530am slow cooking beef stew. you'll enjoy the stew and worry abt me in the morning. bon apatite
Can you technically cross something off your bucket list if you don't, per say, remember it....?
So, I have realized that I am kryptonite for married men. I'm not sure how to feel about this sober, but drunk me accepts her destiny.
The guy I hooked up with last night left me alone with his dog AND IT JUST SHIT ON THE FLOOR. WHAT DO I DO
He also needs to focus on not being such a little bitch, but that's none of my business.
What can i say, my face is nice and my body is just unreal. And my beer pouring/stealing is incredible \n
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