He was going down on me and raised up for a minute, slipped and punched me in the face. My lady boner left immediately.
Ended up at a lesbian bar and almost got stabbed in the eye with a dart. Weirdest bachelor party ever.
I think my hand is broken. But his nose definitely is
ex-cheerleader. ex-gymnast. ex-dancer. i dont even know who to go for tonight
She hash-tagged my name. I think it's safe to say that she remembers our hookup.
I think drinking White Russians at half past four in the afternoon is perfectly acceptable. I'd bought a LOT of milk and cream that needs to be used up. Resourceful, check, fuckable, check. You have a great girlfriend here pal.
"I'm looking more at his dick bulge." Never thought I'd hear those words come out of my boyfriend's mouth.
I was thirsty after the sex and it was a long trek back to res so naturally I stole chocolate milk from his fridge as I left
Woke up this morning with Nerf Bullets stuck to everything in my house and nut in my belly button. What exactly happened last night?
You think I'll get the "I used to stick it to your daughter" discount?
And I must've sleep walked to the fridge cause when I woke up, there I was, balls deep in a fudge pop.
All he gave me was a sore vagina and film suggestions
How many hotdogs are you going to eat today?
THE LIMIT DOES NOT EXIST.
This night could easily degenerate into a drunken haze of strippers and gambling, but I need a support network.
you need to drop off my dinner before you go see him because i'm not gonna wait until you're finished fucking him to get my damn chinese food
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