the biggest problem in our relationship is that im team edward and my boyfriend is team jacob
10 dollar pizza all the toppings you want. Wait Until You See This Pizza
my dad just referred to me and my boobs as 'the three of you'
Don't judge me. It was less weird than it sounds when we were in the moment and it was his birthday
just found a shoebox labled "emergency smoking box"... it has a lightbulb, 2 potatoes, a dried up flower, and a button that says "stop drop and roll". what did we do last night?!
And he tried to make it as casual as possible by asking where i was going on vacation while he was poundin me.
its 2pm. u awake yet?
ill text u back later. still peeling fingernail polish off my face.
hey now, it was 6 bucks for 5 shots. you would have lost your panties too.
I may or may not be setting up an encounter with a foot fetishist just because I'm curious.
I think I'd rather see her get hit by a car in one of those Russian dash cam videos on YouTube.
I'm getting paid over-time to sit on reddit and look at dicks and abs all day. I'm really happy right now.
look, my penis is an amusement park, and it's closed for maintenance. why can't you just accept that?
If I die at work, I want you to have my mustache collection
I know right. I don't even want to have sex today. I did anyway but that's besides the point.
I knew I no longer wanted to bone him when he put the Grease soundtrack on as "mood music", no guy looks attractive singing and dancing to greased lightning naked.
Randomize
