Im at strip club and am horny
Hey look on the bright side if youre preg at least you know it and wont have it in a toilet
TYLER... glimpse of last night: leather chaps, guacamole dip, a jump rope, spray paint, and rhinestone studded pajamas.
i think you have the wrong number... but your story sounds delightful.
That can be our thanksgiving, vodka and cornbread. Just like the pilgrims.
I was too drunk to read the menu, let alone her body language.
Man when i saw they were the only ones hard core grinding to the Cha Cha slide against the wall, I knew they were gonna have sex tonight.
Well then. It seems like we have a Mexican standoff of genitals
I just want to curl up with him and brush his hair and sing love songs together, I think you should come over and end this
Hahahahahahhajahahahahajajjajahjahahajahahajajahahahajjajajahahjajajajajahahahajjjajajaahhahhahahahahahahahaha dominos taxi
I don't care how hungry or impatient you are. the highest setting on the microwave is 100% and you better not take it appart to add power. This is not the Enterprise.
if i ever wake up in the morning and don't feel a boner in my asscrack then this relationship is over
I just stood still on a stair at the train station expecting it to go down automatically like an escalator... Today's going to be a good day
I saw a spider on my bed and my first reaction was to throw my weed bag to safety
I just delete my bank app from my phone to have enough storage to download tindr. Is this my life now?
You know it was a good night when visa fraud prevention services are calling
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