Holy shit! This guy had his hands and feet handcuffed and was scooting across the interstate and we almost hit him because it was so dark. I hate Louisiana.
I love the "adulterer" look on you. It's hot.
Its part of my fall instant classic line.
i lost my phone in the process of getting a condom out of my hair
If your dick isn't up when i get home you're catching tonight.
as my niece was drinking milk out of a crown royal glass i realized i dont think i've ever bought a glass that didnt come with a bottle of liquor....
she screamed "my eye!" and it brought me a surge of bad memories. except she was yelling about a lemon.
Just pure bliss will emerge from Charles, my tranny bong.
Trying to take a shit right now to the beat of the fuckin drumcircle outside... It's not goin well
I just sprawled out on my bedroom floor and cried while shoveling chocolate into my mouth.. I should not have Bacardi at home
You are. Embrace it. But you are the right kind of asshole.
My mom just told me my dad shaves his pubes while drunk and I don't know how to feel anymore.
life lesson #151: dont let people go batshit crazy and stab you in the knee
i will live by this rule
DOGS JUST TOTALLY ATE THE FEATHERS OFF MY NIPPLE CLAMPS!!!
Are you ok?!
I assume I've stopped bleeding because I haven't passed out, but can't verify currently.
i bet he makes cat noises to excite himself.
Randomize
