True love is taking a shit with the one you love in the bathroom with you.
I puked in the pool and didn't tell them, then they all went swimming. Is it dick to just sit back and enjoy the show?
Do you think the party boat will still go out if there is a hurricane?
You're my spirit guide. This has to do with oatmeal cream pies.
I'm pretty sure there was a language barrier but he knew what "harder" meant.
He threw up. He never throws up. It was like finding out superman cant fly anymore. I was so sad for him.
Just had a random flashback of you tickling some guy's nipple with your claw ring, and then him moaning and stripping in the middle of the bar. You give good memories.
It's a sit down to pee kind of hangover
Riding the train home at 6 am for class still drunk is losing its novelty in my junior year
Yeah I don't remember how I got home last night
Judging from my pants, I embarrassed myself smh
he sent me a green and gold dick pic and advised me I needed to come drive the snake from Ireland.
I just want you to make me second guess my worth as a human. Is that too much to ask?
Today we memorialize my orgasms. Taken from me over six months ago, gone too soon. Here's to hoping we'll see one again
I know you won't see this for awhile, but I had to tell somebody, and you're like the only person who won't judge me for having an accidental erotic encounter with General Tso's chicken.
Stop letting me drink alone on saturdays. My last 2 google searches were "short legs" and "caterpillar eyebrows" ? I don't even know.
Randomize
