Please, let me fuck your mom
we made malted milkshakes. malt as in malt liqour.
At what point should i just give my brother a break and stop sleeping with his friends?
i feel this will be the best possible way to start a friendship. By breaking into his house.
you kept telling us that in dog beers you only had one
You swear the intervention is for her? I've fallen for that one twice.
despite the cops showing up at 8am, pre gaming groundhog day was my idea yet. and by pre gaming, i of course mean getting black out drunk by 7:30am
There are a bunch of highly educated, advanced in their field, PUSSY ASS BITCHES in this bar
Shaving my legs with an ankle monitor on is surprisingly more difficult than the drunk driving that got me here
He sent me a poorly photoshopped picture of his shaved dick wearing a Hot Dog on A Stick titled "Shorndog"...
We fucked through the entire Destiny's Child album, it was a beautiful thing.
I just told a guy I'm a cross of Kim K, Hilary Clinton and a dragon... He was still into it.
I need to stop getting so drunk at bowling
do you know why there was a glass jar of hot chocolate and a traffic flare in my shower?!! like where did that even come from
I've realized that drinking at your apartment alone on a Tuesday probably isn't a good thing.
Randomize
