you know how you have to have just the right ratio of chips to sandwich? same goes for pubes.
I have way too much money in my bra to be responsible.
all her text said was "asdfhdaufhudshfuds" and i knew that meant come over
Tortellini makes me feel like I'm eating hundreds of little vaginas
Jerry just sent me this: IOR GHIT ALL THE BUTTIB. Go get him. Now.
I couldnt give him head when all I could hear was his little brother playing the piano and this family singing along to it.
A baby just go on our party bus. What. The. Fuck.
If you were wondering whether I accidentally FaceTime called the undergrad who works for me in lab during a particularly graphic blow job last night, then the answer is yes.
People are yelling about how much they want you here.
I'm going to change, vomit up my mexican food to save the trouble later, and then come meet you. Thrilled.
he fed me chocolate as I gave him a handjob. I felt like a princess.
Sometimes you have a glimmer of a heart and then I immediately remember you are dead inside.
Currently watching Zombie Sharks while high. This is why I love Shark Week.
Why does your life consist of lesbians, black guys and cats?
I did a line off of, and then danced on top of a table older than this country.
Harvard is great.
I just hooked up with the German exchange student who doesn't speak English. And you said I have no talent.
Randomize
