i tried to hook up with a mom and then her husband came with num chucks
i licked icing off his dick. in front of his sister.
yes he does come on. what guy wouldnt want his penis named after a dragon
They left me passes out in the food donation bin with an empty handle and a half eaten box of nutter butters
He's going to let me keep his bowl in my car. Does that make us Facebook official?
I just puked behind a tree outside work, then walked past my manager with puke in my hair. Man, I'm gonna miss this when I get a real job.
I knew it would be a shit show so I just went ahead and took plan b before I even got there. How's that for responsible?
Just did an entire nights worth of bar crawl in an hour. Boom
I had one glass of wine then passed out for 4 hours. It's like I'm having a quarter-life crisis.
Whenever I'm not in the mood and don't want to go to bed swampy, I just strategically suck him off during the second period intermission of the Cup playoffs and he leaves me alone and does the dishes. It's a win-win.
Just got a handjob from a 19 year old in front of the Parthenon. The Greek god of debauchery would be proud.
I fucked him on my yoga mat. Then we wake and baked and ate granola. So yes, you could say I found my center.
Soooo I think my neighbor just saw me masturbating on my porch
I'm drinking vodka out of a water bottle at work. Am I really the best person to come to for life advice?
No way man ... This is real life. Complete sentences and everything.
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