hahahahahahhahahahaha. 26, Dominican, has a funny accent, thinks I'm hot. Tots boning.
i just woke up in the woods behind my house in handcuffs and a dan marino jersey ive never seen before
I'm still trying to figure out how you came back with chinese food, and a spoon covered in icing saying 'cake..'
We were laying in the basement dry humping to the rhythm of the washing machine
She told me my dick looked like a baby seal wrapped in a sleeping bag.
i told myself when i was 16 i would never fuck an Alan. now i've fucked 3 and i'm punching my 16-year-old self in the face
Im about to smoke a huge bowl. My penis is so happy. Who needs girls.
No he's great. He's trying to do "sexy stuff" for me now, which is pretty hilarious. He stirred my daiquiri with his penis last night. He also tied a bouquet of flowers around it.
So how did it go?
I'm not sure if it was all the eggnog or all the alcohol, but hosting an eggnog pong tournament was a mistake.
No. Not going out tonight. No. It's Tuesday. Xanax and Full House Tuesday.
in retrospect i think my mom tried to raise me gay
My boss spotted an injured PIGEON outside the front door this morning (at 3:30am) and requested that I catch it and take it to the vet. Catch it with what! Take it where!These requests have gone too far...
Whatever douche. I sucked the dick that made you. I. Win.
I don't know..He walked out of your room with a kraft single..and blood on his shirt...He really wanted cheese.
Somehow I don't think offering me edibles is what dad meant by checking in on me
They're the hard candy kind!
Randomize
