we're taking shots every time my dog licks his penis. we're on number 8 now.
you should have been aborted.
Just heard "Kiss Me Though the Phone" for the first time. Amazed how it took Soulja Boy two songs to become a shitter version of Ja Rule.
Goodbye hot boy in my geo class...goodbye my lover, goodbye my friend. you have been the one, you have been the reason I came to claassss
Just got roadhead in a driving snowstorm. That shit should be a Winter X games event.
DO NOT FUCK HIM ON MY BEAN BAG CHAIR
The djing cat is back again. I think he just makes appearances when im shit drunk just to fuck with my mind.
I think rendering her infertile would be a valid community service project
I knew us throwing ourselves at him back in the day would pay off. I'm gonna b a divorcees rebound. Score!
I just gave myself a sponge bath with your sock. I hope you don't mind.
Eat your greens and take your tequila shots
Could you just like have a friend who feels bad for me and secretly always wanted to have sex with me
It took me longer to finish the bottle of scotch we bought together on New Years than it did for her to meet a new guy and get engaged
he woke up this morning, drunk as fuck, butt ass naked, and he had left grandmas gun on the counter and doesn't know why.
don't worry, i'll dog sit again, the barking made the sex better, its like he was cheering for us, we were just THAT good.
just spent the last 20 minutes cleaning out the soap dispenser. fuck. me. adderall.
Randomize
