You should dream of me :)
I'm going to dream of single life.
Just fyi NOT a good idea to drunkenly insert your NuvaRing after chopping jalepeno peppers
that's why i date skinny girls, they don't realize how small it is.
I just want a box on franzia all to myself. Just me, my wine, my tears, & my self loathing.
Eating Doritos is not nearly as enjoyable when I'm not drunkenly feeding them to peacocks.
"drunk introduce yourself to everyone colleen" came out last night... you kept grabbing guys faces that you just met and just kept saying their names over and over and over again so you wouldn't forget.. then would see them 5 minutes later to introduce yourself again..
No cash. I had to buy four bowls of soup to meet the credit card limit. I'm not even upset. SO MUCH SOUP.
I picked up the bartender so he could open the bar early and ended up with him giving me a ride home when he closed. I like snowdays and everything, but they get really expensive. Also, I think I threw up on his front door. Not checking.
His hair looked like he was in a bukaki and then got a perm right after
So heartbroken my rebound has a rebound
I'm on the same pooping schedule as a professor I've never had. He now says what's up to me in the hallway
Learn from my mistakes, you naive soul: Gay love triangles are just as dangerous as straight love triangles.
Is it something I'm going to want to hug you for or slap you for?
No, no... It was great. I feel like my liver took a vodka shower and washed it's hair with pabst
It’s 830 am and the amount of Valentine’s Day snaps I’ve already seen makes me either want to vom, drink a bottle of wine, or buy chocolate
1000% No lie I was just looking on insta and was thinking about taking a bottle of wine to the face..
Randomize
