After she swallowed she let out a hurge burp. No BS. I'm the cock of the walk.
I think you have the wrong number. But at any rate, respect.
Just passed on a threesome. I'm too old for that kind of morning after.
whoever set the energy saving light timer in the lobby bathroom cleraly has no concept how long a work dump takes
Looking for the remote in the couch. Finding Adderall beads. Considering utilizing.
On the bright side I still get a $20 referral bonus at the plasma center even though he passed out during donation because he was so high.
Is it bad that my only regret is fucking on the bathroom floor and not the sink?
like he couldn't stop by and throw me in the back seat and ask for a blowjob? he had to give me flowers?
Hungover/still slightly drunk at work. Opened a bag of cheese with a box cutter. Pretty sure I need stitches.
Hahah fuck. I keep looking to make sure that stupid line doesn't show up when my guards are down. Babies can sense fear.
I'm kinda amazed by how many times I've texted the word penis today.
You are so predictable. I am willing to bet 20$ that instead of going out you are sitting on your couch, stoned, watching Seinfield re-runs and eating cheezits.
1. they're goldfish. 2 fuck you
She's like a solid nine. Well maybe not a tomorrow morning nine, but she's a nine right now and trying to take me home.
So I crawled off the trampoline to puke in the neighbors yard. Wonderful house guest right here
Parade of Dicks...that's what I'm calling 2017
you were so drunk that when the mouse on your laptop didnt work anymore you decided to just take it into the bathroom and pee on it while laughing like a mad scientist.
Randomize
