I am so gay it hurts my loins. Going to see She's Just Not That Into You... again. Ohhh my goodness.
when we were having sex and i started crying and telling you i missed you..why couldnt you stop and tell me how you felt or make me feel better?you kept going...
there should be a national holiday dedicated to how high i am
I just puked in a penis shaped cake pan. I've hit an all new low for a Tuesday.
Both he AND his 17 year old son were hitting on me... I'm bridging generational gaps
You were eating microwaved pad thai out of a solo cup with a pair of scissors....
Dude before you bang that chick preheat the oven to 425 I wanna make a pizza for afties
I'm going to get pregnant and die... Mean Girls warned me about this but I didn't listen
I accidentally walked in the wrong house but I somehow left with a chicken leg. Good fucking night.
He used the panoramic camera on his iPhone to take a picture of his dick. And it actually filled it. Pretty sure I just came.
Starting the day with sex, coffee and productivity are what the founding fathers intended
FOUND: my underwear in the cabinet above the toilet. What the actual fuck.
We just broke my bed mid-sex, laughed, then continued. If that isn't true love I don't know what is.
You could sing the national anthem right before we have sex. Make it feel like a sporting event
I guess daylight savings isn't a holiday we need to celebrate for three days...
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