I think tequila should come with a little jiminy cricket
found an unmarked box of photos in the garage, they were from when my parents first got together. It was fun laughing at their ridiculous eighties outfits and hairstyles, until I found a pic of my dad. naked. with a boner.
He just called me juicy booty via text message.
what kind of roommate is she really? she wouldn't even hold my hair back.
I remember three things: you falling down an entire flight of stairs, me stripping out of your Christmas one-sie to do cartwheels in my underwear, and people standing above me saying, "where did that bump on her head come from?"
Also, I was told I kept the antlers on the entire time. I'm deeming last night a success.
I've wasted nicer days than this hungover and dry heaving in bed.
Time flies when you're blacked out in a lake
I'm praying that the company stray cat shows up tomorrow. I think I may have hit it while leaving Friday. Nobody will believe it was an accident after I hit the last one.
A guy with a mustache poured a beer down your throat while you had a crippled boy named Sunshine riding your back
You just get me....like our souls are boning in the spirit world
My booty call fought through ice and a foot of snow to get here. He brought booze, food, and cigarettes for three days. My vagina is the greatest motivator of all time.
I get so many dick pics from him...He has an unhealthy obsession with his own penis...
There has been a song made about you fucking his roommate.
It's destiny.
He just jumped up off the couch, screamed "ITS OVER NINE THOUSAND!" And then attempted to fly out the window like a bird. I don't know nor do I care to know what just happened
8 minutes into the New Year and and I've already sent a nude...new year, new me?
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