He introduced her to the DMA meeting by saying: in the past few years i've never seen someone work so hard for so little success
I misunderstood what a threesome is. Please come pick me up.
That's what happens when you park you car under a perfectly good balchony I can puke off of
she has an amazing ass but I need more beers to get past her horse face. It works out perfect becauseI can use her teeth as a bottle opener.
My neighbor is on the his front porch in a robe dipping a popsicle into what appears to be vodka. I want to be his son.
I feel like that needs to be the last time i end a text with "fuck them i love tequila".
He asked me to hum the Ghost Busters theme song as I was going down on him
It was all going fine until I had to chug that strawberita bud light. That really ended badly.
I was about to share my drunken story from the weekend, but two friends getting married and one finding out she's pregnant makes Saturday in jail look a little suspect.
he just sent me a dick pic, it highly resembled a cheese stick
If there's anything my liberal arts education has taught me, it's belligerence.
Just found an airplane bottle of whiskey and I didn't put it in my coffee. I think I deserve a little recognition this morning.
So much for no-infidelity-fridays....
This is like the fourth time this month I've woken up hungover in someone's backyard
I'm sittin in my Hawaiian shorts watching the office eating cold asparagus. wow do I suck when you're not here.
Randomize
