I just googled maps his house, and took the virtual tour back to my apartment, just so I could visualize the walk of shame in the morning
The cereal milk was almost black, the bacon was still frozen and the toast was soggy. And that was BEFORE I puked in her lap.
i think that dennys waitress has my boxers
It's pitch dark except for the glow sticks, someone turned the heat up as high as it would go and the bathroom is flooded. Also think I just stepped on someone's face.
I woke up surrounded by goldfish. Thank God my laptop was here too. Now I don't have to leave my bed all day.
Oh that could end badly if you get them mixed up.. you know who I think you should focus on?? THE ONE WITH THE BIG BLACK COCK, just sayin
I need a present that says please like me even though i'm banging your grandson
I can't find a song to express how gay I'm feeling.
he pushed me in the lake knowing full well I had joints on me. that's drug-abuse!!
I'm playing drinking games with a boy who looks like Liam Hemsworth. I think I'm fine.
STOP PUTTING PICTURES OF JONAH HILL IN MY KITCHEN CABINETS!
I like to be the stable force in your otherwise chaotic existence.
Ok well my life just seems more exciting by default because I'm dating my married boss and sexting with my ex
I know that whole thing was awkward. Not worth the piece of cake.
I honestly have no desire to wear clothes around you
I have that affect on people
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