I'm starting therapy this week.. Taylor Swift music isn't cutting it for me anymore
He passed out so we kept throwing water on him, he got excited and asked if we were at the wave pool.
The vodka told me to go iceskating on my frozen pool. I may have attempted.
I am planning my day around naps and lesbians.
She asked if I could convince him so shave that shit off his face so he'll have a snowball's chance in hell of getting laid.
We didn't have sex because he locked himself in the bathroom and passed out while he was taking a shit. I cuddled with his cat.
Idk. I was speaking metaphorically. Go for it. As one of your bad decisions, I feel confident in saying you've done worse.
I ate all his french fries. He was no longer useful to me.
PROFESSOR JUST TOOK A SHOT WITH US BEFORE CLASS. WELCOME TO THE LAST DAY OF FINALS.
I just told my mother my "if there are drugs I'm only taking them if I don't have to pay" rule and witnessed her perception of my shatter and crumble behind her eyes.
I can't tell if I'm still on the hangover from last night, or if I'm experiencing the one from tomorrow, because it was so powerful that it actually traveled back through time...
He rubbed aloe on my sunburn while I blew him... could he be anymore perfect?
It's the third day of class and I got told I smell like a distillery.
I fear our relationship is coming to an end. Last night I felt the need to bloody apologise for waking him up with a blow job.
You are, as of last night, the self declared king of pooping. Long may you reign.
Randomize
