Last night I fell down in the street (I think in someone's vomit), cut my knee up, lost my moms necklace and my license, and had to walk back to the hotel.
community service is like the breakfast club... except we're all the criminal.
1. No more tequila 2. Why do you let me say slutty things? 3. I woke up and our apartment was covered in cake? 4. Love you
If I die and they 'assume' it's natural causes, just go with it.
ra ra ra ah ah
wtf?
sexting lady gaga style
based on the size of her vibrator, i'm going to be a huge disappointment
..and it was like all of a sudden I could hear the sounds my brain was making
She gives the worst handjobs, it was like raw meat on a cheese grater
High gym went like this: I went to Dairy Queen instead.
Fucking her would be like seeing big foot, finding a four leaf clover , petting a unicorn, and arm wrestling a leprechaun in a matter of a 6 hour period
I woke up this morning with a pop tart under my pillow with one bite eaten. Another pop tart was in the floor. No recollection whatsoever. I ate the one under my pillow for breakfast, though.
Not every day do you see a hooker getting arrested at noon. Just kidding, we live in Reno.
I fell off my bed and busted open my chin on the prisoner of azkaban. Somehow missed the almost empty Jose handle next to it. So guess what I was doing last night?
It's just unfortunate that I still have the image of him having sex with me fresh in my mind
yeah i ran into him at the bar at 11pm. he started talking about engineering and the next thing i know it's 4am and i'm naked on top of him.
Randomize
