new low, shannon just screamed FUCK THE IRISH to a 10 year old's face then proceeded to throw a hotdog at his parents. I think its time i take her home.
I had another sleeping on concrete incident.
he asked me to help him wrap his girlfriends birthday presents. Dont worry we fucked right after.
she was stuffing dove chocolates in my mouth while giving me a blow job. GOD I LOVE VALENTINES DAY
So the girl I hooked up with last night pretended to be from Comcast when my girlfriend stopped by this morning. She even made a fake appointment to check her internet. Best hookup ever.
He told me I just kept sending him the word sex and dollar signs.
do you remember when we thought we were both knocked up by the same guy like two days apart and would have half twins? Thats a best friend moment.
Oh my god did you actually lose a tooth
I just haymakered a dude with my face, can we talk about ME for a second and not the guy I fought?
I'm gonna be the best dressed mother fucker to ever get kicked out of that damn bar.
I never truly understood the phrase ball is life until I started having to balance NBA finals and all these men with balls i'd like to handle.
I have to make calls today at work. So I'm gonna call your phone and leave some random messages. Just delete them.
Well I got black out drunk before the rehearsal dinner and berated my family with insults. But other then that it was a good time
YOUR STATE IS STUPID
Did you miss a turn again?
WHAT FUCKING IDIOT DECIDED TO DESIGN AN ENTIRE FUCKING STATE WHERE YOU CAN'T MAKE A FUCKING LEFT TURN?!? FUCK NEW JERSEY
Nice people suck dick too. I'm proof.
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