i should go to a nude beach and wear just a condom, then ill have tan lines on my dick
eating mexican with the mother in law. this meal made her decide to tell us about her colon cleansing diet
i thought to myself 'what a productive day'. then i realized all ive done is one load of laundry and shaved my balls.
Right now, my father is sitting on the couch, totally smashed, crying, eating pringles, and watching the credits of Transformers 2. Love him.
I just realized I have yet to puke in your new apartment. Clearly we're doing something wrong. On my way over with Cuervo as I type.
Walked in on my boss having phone sex at work... and somehow this didnt bother nor embaress him
I think he's in need of mouth to penis resuscitation. Which I happen to be certified
We told our cab driver we'd give him 3 grand if he pit maneuvered you guys in your cab.
Dude. I'm busy doing PR for America. FOR AMERICA. Europeans think we can't handle liquor.
He's nice but I'm a one bouncer kind of girl
I figure a girl that drinks as much as I do should always have pregnancy tests on hand
He just said his penis sings like Mariah Carey...Im going with drunken.
I'm sitting on my couch eating a bag of marshmallows and watching someone run bare ass down the street. What has happened to my life?
He's 5'2" and his dick 4'8"
Good News: There was a condom on the floor. Bad News: It was still in the wrapper
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