Where did you get a picture of my penis
his ringtone is the jonas brothers. get me the fuck out of here NOW.
I was just texting to see if your vagina was working yet.
once i realized i was actively trying to drink the beer i was sweating out of my body i knew it was time to go to bed
Their house warming gift for us was a half case of keystone and getting the cops called..
I literally had to tap out of the blow job. It was like a pornographic wrestling match
Shotgunned a beer while taking a bath.
The only thing stopping me from having sex with you in my parents jacuzzi bathtub is the knowledge that they've already had that idea themselves
my dad is now demonstrating how to start a fire with a tampon. happy fucking new year!
I can't believe we really went to walgreens to use their cork opener, bounced and drank a bottle of wine in a sketchy corner...
This dude is trying to sext and all I can think about is taco bell and their new crunch wrap sliders
So anyway, I'm just floating along life with my vibrator and low expectations.
I don't know where you went, but if you're anywhere near the liquor, pour me another drink
I realized my soar muscles form the shape of me leaning over a toilet
Started dabbing in blow again because he always hated that I did it. Yuh I’m doing drugs but at least I’m doing me?
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