So the last day on the vacation I woke up in the bath tub. My mom said she asked me during the night what I was doing and I said, "swimming."
so i made out with some dude last night at the bar. and some girl just stood there and watched. i felt bad so i made out with her too. She looked like she felt left out.
I'm drunk on a monday night. Not a good start to finals week
I've come to realize sober is a rare time of the day.
After we were finished she said "That was like marriage sex". Should I take that as a compliment or insult?
i found out she really is a mensa member
so she was the smartest passed out on the floor hair encrusted in vomit girl at the party
I wasn't half as drunk as u but u were saying u were a "worm" and u tried to slither out of my grasp
I've learned life lessons in Vegas. Mostly, drugs are cheaper than alcohol.
If you don't wanna wax my ass just say so.
I'm going to sleep with this bank teller and I'm going to enjoy it, just try and stop me
Oh Jesus our whore days are numbered
COME AND FUCKING GET ME I AM IN SOME SORT OF JUNKYARD!!!
How long do I have to listen to him talk about the chickens before telling him I just really want to fuck? Note: it's already been twelve minutes.
i had to flash a cab last night.
did it work?
No. he slowed down but then kept going. story of my life.
I threw a lamp at you?
Yes, yes you did.
Awesome
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