you think thats bad? Today I had to pop a zit on my sack.
My grandmother just called to say she disowned me. Apparently I uploaded a video to Youtube of me dancing nude with a blow-up doll named Dorothy, last night. You are so fired from being damage control.
What time are you coming? Can you stop and get mouse traps and trojans?
You have mice?
no why?
after giving me morning oral, he left saying "hate to eat and run but..." oh yeah, he's getting a second date.
he wouldnt have sex with me because his guild had a misson on world of warcraft.
please don't let me die tonight
what have you done for me lately?
he smelled like listerine and beef tacos
how you manage to cockblock me from 500 miles away still baffles me.
Now have a vodka water and get your shit together
fuck your need to drink for whitney a thousand times last night.
My mom opened up my bank statement today....my first alcohol intervention class is at 7:30am tomorrow.
I'll have party bus drop you off in the morning.
It hurts to hear and I can smell shapes.
What happened last night and why am I partially covered in queso?
No, it's okay that he's on a date. I attach no more emotion to him than I do my vibrator.
My parents are being so annoying about my colon.
Randomize
