My roommate found me crawling down the hallway as she was on her way to her morning class. Its time for a new semester.
apparently the bartender would rather give me free shots than tell me that my whole nipple piercing was hanging out
We woke up, fucked twice, she drank 3 warm heinekins to cure her hangover and said "Im glad you're still hott when im sober"
Bering your kids um. Abiout tol. Throw up
plus there's no nice way to tell a guy you physically hate the shape of their cock.
So lets not base feelings on vagina tingles
Saw a girl lying on her back next to a fire hydrant. Not sure if passed out drunk or sleeping under the stars
wait nvm its a dude
Both guys that I'm dating were waiting for me in the parking lot after work. Literally the most awkward situation I have ever been in
If you could come do me into like a 12 hour coma that'd be great
stop falling asleep in the bathtub. you are not a movie star, you cannot die that way.
How do u explain to your grandma that your relationship status is hooking up with randoms at a bar
just so it's not awkward when you get here, you and my dog have the same name.
Hahaha nice
my lips are numb and my face feels like a pool. PENGUINSSSSSS
Share, now.
Once my new license was put into my hand, a light from the heavens shined down and pauly D's voice was in my mind saying ohh yeaaah 21 yeaaah
My Mini-Van Handjob Milf is leaving the company. I need to find a new job. I can’t handle this place without those handjobs
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