I fear hooking up with people who have white pillowcases because my guyliner always smears on it and i either have to A. sneak out in the night or B. wash it and see them again
Ask Niel how long his lasts if he plays with it a lot.
he says 15-20 minutes depending on the porn.
no his phone, idiot.
what are u so afraid of ive smelled ur poop before
in the practice room. just found 3 bottles of smirnoff hidden inside the piano. SO glad i didn't get into berklee...
The way I see it, if i don't fail the midterm and blow off some of the projects, how else am I going to get motivated to study for the final ?
this whole healthcare thing got me thinking.. without knowing it my parents are now going to be paying for my dealer to be able to live..
I don't think you'd be able to understand Inception if you weren't high...
You told the waitress last night "What tip bracket do I have to be in to see your boobs"
One night stand. Woke up at her dad's house. She already left for work. Shit's about to go down.
Im dating a 38 year old who's lap I can fit in. Tell me I don't have daddy issues.
I say go for the trifecta and maybe you'll get a medal or something. Or a baby. That's like the same thing right?
Favor? Can you not wear as much glitter on your face this time? Walking in the house looking like a disco ball was enough embarrassment for the week 😒
Unintentional and slightly frustrating adventures are basically all I'm good for. Expect heart palpitations, cheap food, and homeless men serenading us.
i just got referred to as "the Loch Ness Cockster". God bless my Scottish heritage.
You're my best friend, so I'm kinda scared to say this, but.....I kinda feel odd when I show up with you at your family events and I have banged or blown at least 3 people in the room
Randomize
