He wouldnt stop screaming that he wanted a trashcan WITH a lid. Whats so necassary about a lid
My alcohol tolerance is way too high for this paycheck.
Drunk tip #47: Its better to overestimate how many plastic bottles itll take to urinate in, rather then underestimate.
And it was confirmed to me that I did in fact cut my girlfriend out of her dress with my sword.
There's a certain level of slut that i can handle.... I think she just broke that scale
We're making herpes jokes very loudly and hoping she notices.
Ok just don't go to jail. I saw your account balance. It can't take that.
I thought 4 percs were too many but I'm dumping Gogurt on apple pie and taking giant bong rips. This feels right.
This will be the 3rd time you have blacked out and lost your phone only to have some kind stranger find it, charge it, call me, then mail it back to you. Your luck amazes me...
She tried to beat the waitress over the head with a bread stick because one of her martini olives was missing a pimento. All while screaming "IT'S GAMEDAY BITCH"
Olive Garden will never be the same.
I'm a male taking pregnancy tests with every girl at the party. i have no regrets
Do you know how hard it is to was the scent of sex from your hair in a gas station bathroom?!
You know when you get a stripper pays your bail. You got good wood.
Eat your greens and take your tequila shots
What could go wrong? i could have a mental breakdown with a bottle of champagne hand cuffed to a frat bro
Randomize
