bobby jindal makes me wanna cover my ears. you make me wanna smile.
O no, u 2 are dating again?
No. I just masturbate furiously to his picture
You said you were collecting Asians for your Kate Gosselin costume.
Woke up with pink eye in both my eyes. That's how the threesome went
so, what part of "he's slept with a guy" do you not understand?
seriously my hangover is so bad I feel like my eye lashes make blinking a workout
Jumped in the kebab van and said he was Ultimate MasterChef. Incurred wrath of six angry Turks. I got free chips.
She did my hair, then ate me out. Switching teams was an awesome decision.
I DON'T EVEN KNOW ONE MINUTE IM SITTING HER THE NEXT IM FLYING PASSED THE MOON
PISSING MYSELF IN ZERO GRAVITY
THOSE AIN'T STARS U SEE TONIGHT GURL
I seriously just drove by a man walking down the street wearing hospital scrubs, an 80s track jacket, gold necklace and carrying a flute.
his first act of 2015 was getting stabbed
Your pictures have evolved a lot over the years but I think your angry dick pic phase was one of my favorites
Listening to The Little Mermaid soundtrack should cure my drunkeness right?
I have an empty apartment, Chinese food, and fresh batteries in my vibrator. There's nothing on this earth that could lure me out tonight.
Eaten today: granola bar, pumpkin donut, and fritos. Oh, college nutrition.
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