he sent me a winky sad face. i cannot deal this level of pathetically needy flirtatiousness.
he just asked me to email him a handle of captain morgans...how sober do you think he is?
I'm coming over to use your dick. I need to take my aggression out on something. Hope that's cool.
Be careful there's warming lubricant on the floor. I will clean and explain later.
Well, it was good.. One step forward for my vaj.. One giant leap backwards for my integrity.
She's gone now. Left with the wind like a majestic leaf that just rides the invisible current to locations unknown. And dude, her friends were really hot.
Someone please drive out to my house to bring me a beer.. There are some in the fridge but I just can't get up
The low-flow toilet at my office cannot handle the intensity of this hangover.
OMG CHARGE YOUR PHONE I NEED TO KNOW IF THIS IS A GOOD PICTURE OF MY ASS
Putting Chia seeds in beer makes it ok for my diet, right?
Colombian exchange intern from my Mom's friend's ranch loves me, and is staying the night because we got each other drunk. Successful Christmas? I think yes.
nothing out of the ordinary. you aplogized for having a spicy vagina and passed out
Whatever. I have his dick. Haha how many girls can say they have a dildo replica of a guy they were seeing
Sorry i ignored you for so long. I think my vibrator is broken.
uh why is my bathtub filled with kool aid? or is that blood?
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