I thouht it was time to go to sleep and suddenly I was front row on brokeback mountain
i popped this huge zit on her back while she was blowing me. it was like a disgusting metaphor for what happened 30 seconds later.
are you looking for your table cloth? Cause I found it around my neck this morning...
just learned how to wash a penis. thank you nursing school for getting me the most action i've had in months.
i pounded out a 17-yr-old on saturday night
no, that is not a typo
i turned her down on fri night, googled the state consent laws & then caved on saturday
he just started chanting dark meat! dark meat! out of no where.
After giving the pizza guy directions you told him to look for the big stupid looking kid outside in purple
I couldn't sleep so I took 4 shots of vodka and promptly threw up in the sink. Happy Thursday
I CAN FEEL MY HEART BEATING MY WHOLE BODY
Vodka and tater tots have managed to satisfy me more than most of the guys I've slept with.
How are you feeling?
I mean, shattered dignity aside, not bad.
Considering all of my stomach contents ended up in my center console, I'm a bit peckish.
I am rewearing my dress from last night. I only wore it for like two hours before fucking. And I took it off first so no cock contact. This is my new standard of cleanliness.
Your sister just admitted to being a " much bigger bitch" than you. So you've got that going for you, which is nice.
I do very much feel like vomiting. and I have no idea where that lighter came from. thank you for coming to my TED Talk.
Randomize
