Ugh I have so many sins to confess tmw at church, you just made me think of many more I've made on that street alone
Ducking stuck downtown...all the fuxkig roads are blixkded
Im drinking a beer thats called vuuve which is boobs in begian. I think my life is complete.
if hell is full of stilettos, fake tans, bleached hair, overused make-up, drawn out s's and blatent bitchiness, then i'm in hell right now.
Lol welcome to greek life
It was weird to see you drinking wine out a glass instead of a red cup today
You need to tell your booty call to take some sudafed or something. I swear I thought you were humping Kermit the frog last night
At a St Pats house party. Just raised $110 for two short chicks to crawl into a dog cage together. Video forthcoming. Respect.
Hey to make you feel better about last night, I just shit my pants.
She needs sedatives and a leash
Fastest way to get judgmental looks on a Sunday morning: wear sunglasses inside carrying a case of beer and thin mints at the grocery store. May or may not have ran into the glass door.
Gotta love Minnesota
She shoved a hot dog in my pocket and started grinding on it.
Drinking a grey goose and water in a random chair that I found by the road by myself
So there's that.
Oh shit that's not good dude. I'd head straight for Williamsport hospital the first ingredient in that shit is lithium batteries. You don't want to know what the second one is
Just for the record, I did not have sex in your bed. Happy 4th of July.
How do I tell my boss I have slutty fantasies about him, me and his conference room table?
Randomize
