You covered in salsa con queso would take care of all of my cravings right now
Pray the makeout fairy visits me this weekend.
well what she called a "work function" most people call "doing shots with your boss while people throw napkins at you."
she's throwing things again.. almost stabbed herself in the eye with a fork.
Guy in our group took down a chick in a wheelchair last night.
Just woke up to my stoned boyfriend building a shrine around my bare ass. He'll never leave me.
I think I suffocated him while I was riding his face
I thought stuff was gonna go really bad after he filled the super-soaker with kerosene. but it all turned out pretty well.
I only get commercials for vodka and Rogaine now. You're exactly right, Hulu. That's exactly right.
in a garage, wearing a toga, theyre debating the logistics of Coke Pong. If I don't make it out of here... it was me who stole your Barbie in the 4th grade- I've never forgiven myself.
I decided staying home, watching porn and masterbating was a much better choice than the gym. And I was right.
Im hitting on this chick at a stoplight when all the sudden. i notice this chick blowing some dude in the backseat.
I was weirded out when the chunky goth girl and her boyfriend both started eyeing me and wanted to by me a drink.
The morning after your company Xmas party and that moment you're eating a block of cheese in bed wearing a sequin blazer and recalling all the details of your one night stand with a coworker who happened to start that day...fuck.
All I wanted was a couple of orgasms before work, is that too much to ask?!
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