I just remember standing in the shower with you eating chips.
Judging by the amount of alcohol multiplied by the amount of her exes here, tonight will be ending in tears.
Thanks for not stopping me when I decided to call my mom at 2 in the morning to ask her where I was born
Between the booze, mechanical bulls, and penis's I think my body hates it when I'm single
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Hey.. Here's a thought for the evening. There's only two more sleeps until I fuck you so hard my back teeth will convulse.. Here's too Tuesday! Woohooooo
Druken naked yoga : jus another ploy to keep your husbands eye in check
And you will no longer be getting a thank you note from my vagina
Between the uncertainly of my bowels today, and the distance the bar is to my house, remember I am doing this for you and our mutual appreciation of alcoholism.
Dude, all I know is that I came out of this thing wearing a snorkel mask and completely covered in glitter and soap.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I think you should just bang him and get it out of your system.
That's what you say about everyone.
Package arrived for me from the gf while she's on vacation..under the bed bondage kit and new lingerie...my boner could drive to the airport
Things are coming back to me in chunks. I vaguely remember signing a shirt that said 'I enjoy vagina'
I AM SO PROUD OF YOU
You said "I'm not gonna waste my last condom on you" last night.
I've Ubered to the bar three times this weekend to get my car but every time I get there I end up drinking. Still no car.
I smell like cotton candy and guilt.
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