I wish I could be a nicer person. Or a more sober one.
Seriously, I would hit on barney the dinosaur right now if it meant I was going to get laid.
Oh no. He has the "I'm 30 years old and I just shit myself in public" face.
Spaghetti and Car Bombs, good idea or what will end up on the bar in a few minutes?
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just watched paranormal activity stoned. laughed the whole time and screamed when they turned on the lights. eating doritos. I love my life
I think it's time we have the "weird fetish" talk.
I'm standing in line at the liquor store and they're making popcorn.
I have bruises everywhere. I think I took "the drinks are strong" as more of a challenge than a warning.
So after this weekend I think I'm gonna go down on one knee and propose to my boyfriend that he give me his liver.
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We fucked in his mom's shower and all I could think about was being too old to be sneak banging while someone's mom was out of town and how much mildew was on the shower curtain. Fuck you, Adulthood.
I have a huge bruise on my thigh that I am 95% sure is due to you repeatedly throwing me over couches.
So hungover im counting my own breaths to make sure im not dead. The odds hurt.
It's a 'fuck poison control' kind of night.
Booty called 3 guys from my hospital bed
Like how do you live your life and have never made a grilled cheese? The audacity of some people
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