well I can't set my house on fire every night
I was just at the urinal, started to go, then farted, then said oh yea out loud, then heard someone move in the stall behind me
I'm fucked up. I can't drink anymore. We stole a cat.
Check out this gay circle: I've now hooked up with my ex-boyfriend, my ex's ex-boyfriend, my ex's ex-boyfriend's ex-boyfriend, and most recently my ex's ex-boyfriend's ex-boyfriend's ex-fling.
Would it be tacky of me to tell the two girls I just found out he's been sleeping with on the side that I've been having gay sex with him all semester?
There were two girls and a guy on a bed and now i can put porn director on my resume.
THIS ISN'T WORKING THIS IS THE DRUNK LEADING THE DRUNK
He was dressed up as Jesus and had vodka in one hand while he was blessing everyone and splashing them with holy water in the bathroom.
If, when you wake up, you're wondering why you're in the bathtub, it's because when I tried to move you, you yelled that that was cheating and tried to kick me in the face.
Fair enough.
She's impossible to please. Other than with two fingers and a tongue.
Sorry, fell into some ass. Call you tomorrow.
we need to make pact to not cut each other's hair on coke and whiskey nights.
While I agree, I dont think thats realistically possible
I've never seen so much of my blood outside me. After the initial shock it was kind of cool.
we went to go have morning sex and I said “I was gonna put my mouth on it but you need to shower”#ruinedthemoment
She is beauty she is grace
she’s masturbsting in front of an open window while drunk af 9am
i thought you had class
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