Tell him to shut up cuz i said so. I lost my dollar shoe :(
i'm really high, and this is sooooooooooo important. how many frosties does it take to fill a bathtub?
I am at a striph cluv. They are ovealls everywhere. I have hot rock botto.
just saw someone puke all over a michigan fan. he didn't even flinch.
I need to keep friends like you around just in case hell grades on a curve.
who knew that if you vomit while skydiving the puke goes up towards the people that are behind you.
thats the coolest thing thats happened to my vagina since i dated that guy from portugal.
I'm hungover in the park, and some guy just handed me a business card for his church. I can feel Jesus' disapproval running through my fingertips
No lie. I was hooking up with a former football player at UT and mid-hookup I yelled "I'M FRATERNIZING WITH THE ENEMY"
currently googling "apology gifts for when you poop on their floor"
Life without a bra equals bliss.
I’m sorry I got high and yelled about the patriarchy.
So I said "fuck it" and made myself a sandwich
Your life is a soap opera of great sex, cats, and booze.
I was trying not to blow up your phone, but I'm so horny I think I might die
Randomize
