Thanks to blow jobs, my margarita's at the bar are only 3dollars.
My mom was talking about how protein is essential to strong bones and then I told her, I'll give you protein.
How unfortunate for your Mom.
i should write a book entitled 'the joys of being sexually objectified'
I knew I shouldn't have slept with her...my dick looks like a stegosaurus tail
there should be a relationship option on facebook "stillllll in a relationship"
I came home drunk to my night light on and a Hershey's bar on my bed. Mom knows me too well.
I told him I'd put in a good word. And the word of the day is: NEGATIVE
I believe you called it tequila and nipples. The proceeded to strike a pose.
Found a grenade pin. Still no Dave.
I guess? According to Jeff his mom is wondering when the grand babies will arrive. So I don't think they like ME so much as my supposed functioning uterus
It's my day off, I'm going to Target to check out Moms in yoga pants
Only thing that feels right is being horizontal in the fetal position
I despise everything about her. Except her tits.
Last night you were prentending to be a broom stick...you were laying on the floor and humming the Harry potter song.
Do you remember what happened last night? All I could find we're phone numbers of strip clubs in Detroit. Did we go to Detroit?
Randomize
