How was your Memorial Day?
Don't remember... but I do have an American flag painted on my boob signed by a Staff Sargent... Oh God, I hope that's his military rank and not a nick name.
Did your dad mention the fact that you asked him for viagra at 2 in the morning?
the girl in my class has a rolling backpack and just told it to stay. im too hungover for this.
So I totally just remembered that you tried to smoke a hornet out of it's nest.
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Send me the video of myself under the polar bear skin. It's important.
We got the possum out of our house. We built a maze with our empty kegs and chased it with brooms.
You want anything?
Gatorade and you naked.
I tried to roll down the stairs in a ball. I have bruises, the pain is too much.
What the fuck, why would you ever do that?
Haven't you ever just wanted to be a ball?
After the 3rd time his brother walked in on us I asked "Does he ever knock?" his reply "This is his room"... Turns out he didn't even live there... I feel like a hoe.
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I feel as bad as you right now. I'm about to use one girls car to go see another one
Fuck ya. But normally I drove one girls car picking up a different girl while texting another girl lol
Are you drunk already?
Not already - at LAST.
Her name was Danica but I felt like it would be hard to say drunk so I called her Shelby
i was really depressed when i left the health dept this morning after i had to write a higher number next to "partners" than "age"
Even my fuck buddy told me I needed a boyfriend. Fml.
You just kept yelling GET YOUR SKATES ON, BITCHES. WE'RE GOING STREAKING.
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