I hate it when I can only see straight when I close one eye. I feel like that deserts the purpose of seeing with two eyes
you were going around the whole club telling people to smell ur purse
and this is why we should make december sharting awareness month.
Walked girl from last night to car as gf was driving up. Got slow clap from neighbors.
Just saw you drinking out of a flask on national tv. I've never been more proud of you
Uuh, dude you came running out of the bar screaming you didn't want to hear that song, ran face first into a truck, spun around 3 times and hit the sidewalk. I tried to catch you.
Ended up getting hot boxed in a limo with a bunch of asians going to a karaoke bar. I think I pretended to understand their language for a solid hour. Am I bilingual now?
The roommate asked me to make sure no one fucked in his room. And then preceded to give only me permission to fuck in his room. Had no idea who I was, just thought I was trustworthy cause I had Edward 40 hands. Felt like a Tarantino movie.
legit question. can i put a condom down our garbage disposal? my rents are coming over in 20
I just fully woke up, never smoking that much weed again. I had stress dreams about your house being surrounded by a lake and we kept losing our cars in it.
All I've done this weekend is cum and drink. I think it's safe to say I'm dehydrated.
I talked to the pizza guy for 10 minutes about my truck, I don't even have a truck
Sigh. I haven't seen a dick since August 22nd. And in case you forgot, it's January.
I'm so glad I can be everyone's guide to the world of fucked up kinks
It does not feel like it was just this morning that I had a penis in multiple cavities of my body
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