I just met the 30 percent of the population with an STD
I'm gonna laugh so hard when we're both married with families
That statement alone makes me laugh so hard.
I thought the cops would know I was on shrooms because I was 10ft tall.
If life deals in absolutes, the in betweens are the most hairy.... Fortune cookie wisdom from a stoned Megan.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Last thing I ever expected to say, "Get your finger out of my ear or I will stop sucking your dick."
I threw up outside of a cab while waiting in a drive thru Mexican line while others who i don't know watched from their cars while they ate. Dinner and a show.
I was stalking his twitter and saw that he used punctuation in a hashtag. Thank god we didn't work out because I can't be with someone that incompetent
guys I just made $20 cause these random south african guys thought I wasn't wearing any underwear
I actually feel a twinge of sadness recycling all of our handles... I feel like I'm throwing out some great memories or lack of them because we don't remember
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Like how hard is it to come up to me with chocolate and wine and say "hey, you're beautiful. Wanna marathon Doctor Who in sweatpants?" Hell yes!
We broke into the kitchen, stole cooking aprons, and wore them on the dance floor.
My cardio is walking around the office looking for free food.
I apparently asked the bartender for a plastic bag and told her I was gunna puke then grabbed two handles from the bar then put the handles in the plastic bag and left.....
Whoever said it shouldn't take a man to make you happy clearly wasn't having sex everyday.
We got really excited for country fried steak then we had sex.
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