Dear tim. Christina farted and it smells like kid roses.
I either date the nice guys or the assholes. There isn't any in between.
You need to find a taint.
did you ever find your cell phone? and your dignity?
How come the only thing we can do right in our lives is drugs?
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He felt like a one man threesome
I need a secretary to manage my drinking schedule.
Going stoned out of mind to my sociology exam because it's really just a pizza party. I love community college.
he is like the poster child for std's. god i hope he meets a girl with teeth in her vag. that would serve him right
I am too drunk to deal with your everything. Reread this everytime you feel the need to talk to me.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
So it's safe to say that it's all down hill from here
Do you mean easy livin or downward spiral of alcoholism and disappointment
P.S. If you wake up before noon it still counts as morning sex
Shout out to my liver for being the true MVP. It easily put in more work than LeBron or Curry this week.
Side Note: Everyone in my office is getting engaged and having baby showers. And I'm all like, fuck your joy, I just want more string cheese in my life.
Bring shot glasses to the final. Don't ask questions.
I found condoms in the back yard from you and your boyfriend. My house isnt a motel
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